Moms Shouldn't be Allowed to Get Sick.

I'm not really that sick, I have a cold/allergies. But even with just having a cold and allergies, I'm exhausted!! The past couple of weeks have been go, go, go. We have been preparing for the wedding and doing project after project after project. I have needed all of the energy I could muster up and there has been very little of it. Taking care of a baby is a full time job. Now add in all of the other stuff and there is more stuff than I can fit into a day! It also makes it hard to take care of the baby when you want to be focused on getting YOU better but your baby NEEDS you to keep her alive and happy. Of course, Brynlee comes first!

The other day I had a breakdown. The first of many in the past 5 days. I am exhausted. I feel like the past two months have finally caught up to me. The adrenaline of having a new baby has worn off and I am starting to feel the effects. I am constantly drained of energy, I am emotionally unstable, and I feel like I can't ever get ahead. I am always two, three, four steps behind what I need to be doing and that is overwhelming. Because of my crazy days, my house has pretty much gone to trash. There is junk EVERYWHERE and I look around, see all of the things I need to do, and get a headache and need a nap! I am lucky that I have such a sweet baby that has been so good the past few days. Like amazingly good. And I am so grateful because I don't know if I could have made it through the weekend if she wasn't.

Friday: My sister went through the temple. It was a really amazing experience to be there with her and to see her take such a big step. It was much needed time not only in such an amazing place, but with my husband as well. It might not have been my most reverent visit to the temple but I was happy. I was relaxed and I was happy. That morning was the morning I had my breakdown, along with about 50 other things to do before 4:00. I was so stressed out all day long so the temple was just the thing I needed.

Saturday : Spencer and I went over to my grandma's house to help her with her yard (okay, only Spencer was helping with the yard...). That took up most of the day and then Spencer went to the ASU game that night. Grandma and I cleaned out her guest bedroom and threw out a million bags of garbage! It was another thing checked off of our checklist. It was a long night and I was exhausted and in some pain that night and had to go to bed by myself because the game took forever.

Sunday: This was a good day for the most part. I got my WHOLE house cleaned up which was a huge load off of my chest. I also got to watch my brother in law open his mission call!! (more on that later) It was a day full of family and a pretty fussy baby. That night Whitley spent the night so that I could do her hair for her wedding pictures Monday morning.

Monday: This was the worst day. I was a wreck yesterday. I could not stop crying the whole day. Every little thing made me cry and there were a LOT of little things. I cried over just about anything anybody said to me. It was fun watching Whitley take her pictures, but that was about the only fun part. After 3 hours of pictures (and a sunburn), lunch, and chatting with my grandma (crying), it was time to take Brynlee to her Ped. Apt. This was her 2 month visit which includes, you guessed it, shots. I had been seriously dreading this day. From what I heard, the night after shots is a sleepless one. Of course. That is the last thing exactly what I needed after a day like that, no sleep. It was so sad watching her get her shots. She calmed down pretty quickly afterwards and had a pretty happy day. I thought I was in the clear. Then 7:30 comes along and I think her legs started hurting her. She cried, and cried, and cried. Every position we tried to hold her in made her cry and it was awful. I ran to Walgreens to get some baby tylenol and Spencer stayed home with Brynlee. I came home, gave her the medicine, but the crying continued. I lost it. I gave Brynlee to Spencer and I went into my room. I laid on my bed and bawled. Why couldn't I make her stop crying? I was the one that made her hurt in the first place and now all I wanted to do was to take her pain away and I couldn't. I felt like the most awful mom in the world and just couldn't take it anymore. Once I got calmed down, Spencer came in and assured me that I am a good mom (what a sweetheart) and I went out and held Brynlee while she slept. I fed her at 9:00 and put her to bed. I then proceeded to go to sleep. Spencer turned off the baby monitor, waited for her to wake up, took care of her, fed her her bottle, and put her back to bed without waking me up. He was AMAZING.

If I hadn't gone to sleep when I did, I don't think I could get through today. Brynlee has been asleep for 8 hours and I am rested, showered, and ready for the day. It was a long day, but it really made me appreciate how easy my life has been. I have a really good baby, an amazing husband, and so much love and support around me. I just had a bad day. I think it's actually good to have a bad day every once in a while. Sometimes you just need something to break you down so you can start over. I feel like I have a fresh slate today. I am going to keep my house clean, I am going to finish all of my projects, and I am going to take care of my baby. It's a really good feeling. But all of this weekend would have been SO MUCH EASIER if I wasn't sniffling, coughing, sneezing, and wheezing. Moms should not be allowed to get sick.