Life without him.

So this is going to be a REALLY mushy post. Just prepare yourself. Tonight I had a few friends over to do some zumba and watch a movie. After waka waka ing we decided to watch the movie Premonition. It's about this woman (Sandra Bullock) who finds out her husband dies, wakes up the next morning and he's alive, then wakes up the next morning and he's dead again. Her days happen all out of order and it's probably the scariest movie I can stand. Anyways, her husband got hit by a semi. And then she found out later that he was about to cheat on her. I had this seriously sad thought and pushed it aside. It came back as soon as Spencer got home. I made him come sit by me and held onto him until the movie was over. My friends left and I totally started crying. (You are all shocked aren't you?) Anyways, I cannot imagine my life without Spencer. My first thought was the cheating thing. I know he would NEVER do that, but it still made me sad that it happens to people. I then started thinking about if I had to be the woman on the other side of the door from a cop telling me my husband wouldn't be coming home. I held him so tight and he heard me sniffle. It made me so sad to even think about losing him. I have never even considered it.

I will never again take for granted the I love you's or the kisses. I won't take for granted him opening the jars, the taking out the garbage, the holding me when I don't feel good, or the pure love that he shows me every single day. What would I do without that? What would I do without him? I don't think I could do it. He means too much. Just this morning he woke up and turned to me and sang, "Good morning beautiful, how was your night?" It made my whole day. I miss him so much just while he's at class. I can honestly say that I don't think I could love anybody more than I love my sweet husband. (I don't know what the ranks are supposed to be with family and husband, I'm in a pickle in my brain, but it's ok, it fits in with the heavy sap that's already here).

I'm always scared that my life is too easy, that I haven't really had any big trials that I have had to go through and that my married life is going to be terrible because the trials have to come SOMETIME! But honestly, and I am saying this publicly so if I ever feel like saying otherwise, people can correct me, but I am not letting anything come in my way. It's too important. No matter what happens, we are connected eternally and we have to figure things out as they come. There is no backing out or backing down. It's too important. That's the cool thing about being married, there is NO easy out. We are in it for good and I love that. I love having someone else on our side to help us through things. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband who I love with all of my heart. He makes every day worth it.

The finishing touch!

I have been frustrated over my living room since we moved in. I cannot for the LIFE of me find something to make the big wall look good! I have tried so many different pictures, arrangement of pictures, NO pictures, and still.....big, fat, NOTHING. Today my sweet mother in law decided to take me out to lunch to save me from sitting at home by myself. (I think I make a bigger deal out of that than it really is...but it's ok. I do get bored and it's nice to get out of the house) Anyways, we go to Paradise Bakery for lunch and then she says, "Let's just go look at Kirkland's, you don't have to get anything!" Oh no. That's like saying, it's ok little moth, just go towards the light, it won't hurt you! We walk in and I am immediately in a happier place. Something about Kirkland's just makes a girl happy. (I blame my mom for this one...) We go and look and within the first two minutes, I have found THE piece for over my entertainment center!!!!!!! But do I stop there, NO! Why would I? That would make way too much sense. I decided to keep looking, just because I had never been in that particular store before and maybe it had different things. Boy was I right! Right before we were about to leave, I saw this thing that belongs in my house. I'm serious. I had NO idea where it would go but I knew it had to come home with me. When presenting my items, Spencer's mom says, "Why don't you just get one and then come back for the other one a different day?" This was a good plan. But which do I take home and which do I leave there??? If I leave THE piece, I am pretty much back to square one with the frustration. If I leave the other one, I might never get it. You see, it's on sale and there are only 3 and I saw another lady looking at them after I picked mine up......
*side note* Yesterday I bought a little piece of art from Walmart for about $15 and it didn't end up working...

Anyways, I ended up getting both because I figured that if I took the Walmart one back (Which was already the plan) it was like I was only buying one thing! I committed to her that if I couldn't find a place for the second one in one week, I would bring it back. I went to check out and I got BOTH things for less than $50! Does that EVER happen? No. It was a steal.
I headed home and decided I couldn't wait until Spencer go home to have him help so...I put them up by myself! THE piece looks PERFECT in my living room. And the other piece, has a spot already! My living room finally looks like a put together room; like everything has a place. I know what you are thinking! "Let me see these things!" Ok, since you twisted my arm... :)

This is THE piece :) The flowers are made of rhinestones :)

I didn't realize how dirty and weird this room looks in the picture, but believe me, in person, it's PERFECT! I'm a happy camper! If some people *cough* MOM! *cough* would come and visit ever, they would see it in real life!

Last little bit of news. I have been DYING all day to go swimming! I was counting down the minutes to when Spencer got home so we could go! It was so hot but I was NOT turning on my ac until bedtime. He gets home, we change into our suits, and head down to the pool! We get there and guess what, it's closed until Friday. I seriously almost cried. I came back and made dinner. It was such a bummer... :( But we did take a picture of "our first swim of the summer" that didn't happen. Pardon the weirdness but I just wanted to show how badly we needed some sun...

We are a tad....white... 

Another great day in the Hon home! Preparing my song for my Oliver audition, homework, work, and ice cream!

Ok, so marriage isn't just puppies and rainbows

I LOVE being married. I would not trade it for one single thing in the whole entire world. But being married is HARD. You are completely changing your life around! You are having to live with one person all of the time and you have to learn to adjust. It has been eating at me the past week or so. I have just felt a bit inadequate. Not that anything really specific has happened, I have just felt like I just can't do things good enough. I burn the cookies, or can't keep the house clean enough, or I can't get the amount of food in the lunch right, or I order the wrong size of garments. I know all of these little things are so silly, but I have felt like such a loser lately! I have known it is all me though and that I was overreacting so I didn't really talk to Spencer about it. Well, Sunday morning comes and I just lose it. I cried bawled. I have only cried this hard I think three times in my life and it is no fun. Spencer was terrified. He has never seen me cry that much before and the fact that my whole body was shaking was not his favorite thing. I couldn't calm myself down. The more I tried, the harder I cried. It got to the point where I really couldn't breathe. My hands started getting really really tingly and weak and I was really lightheaded. I told Spencer that I didn't feel very good and he already knew what was wrong. He kept telling me to take deep breaths but that didn't work very well... about two minutes later he asks me if I wanted a blessing. I said yes. I just laid there on the bed struggling to breathe and he gave me a blessing. He gave me a blessing of comfort. I was so grateful. For one thing, this is the first blessing that Spencer has been able to give me. I wanted him to a couple of times while we were dating but he couldn't because he didn't have authority to. So that was nice that he finally could. Secondly, I was so grateful that no matter what time of day, no matter what was going on, Spencer was worthy and willing to give me a priesthood blessing. During the prayer I was able to focus on the things he was saying and less on the fact that I couldn't breathe. By the end I was still crying, but much less and I could breathe normal. I drank some apple juice and just laid there for a few minutes. Finally, after the hour and a half of crying, I was able to stop. Once I was sufficiently calm, Spencer and I actually talked about how I was feeling and I was able to do it without crying. He told me that he had no idea I was feeling like that at all and that I have to tell him because he just thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't know what to do with me. That's something I learned: The less I talk about it, the less sane he thinks I am.... :)

I know this sounds so pathetic, and even as I sit here typing about it, I realize how ridiculous I'm being, but it was a really good moment for Spencer and I. As we were laying in bed afterwards, he told me that he liked these moments when I cried; not because he liked to see me cry, but usually when I do, we get closer somehow. This time was no exception. I told him that I don't like the times that I cry, but I like the rainbows after the storm. I like the fact that after a huge fit like that and a really long time of him not really knowing what to do, Spencer is still able to hold me, kiss my head, and tell me he loves me. I am grateful for his patience and his love. I think there is only one other person that could have done that for me and that is my mom, but I'm not going to lie, having my husband do it was a bit better.... :) I know that life isn't all puppies and rainbows, but there are still those happy moments in the midst of despair if you have the spirit.

One other happy thing that happened this past week is Spencer and I were given a car from my grandpa! It is a 1994 Toyota Camry and it is red. It has some engine problems, but it works for now and it is OURS. We are so blessed and grateful.

Our first Easter together was not what we expected and not what we even wanted, but I am grateful for it. We ended up missing church because about 25 minutes before it started was when my crying turned into crazy. After we ate lunch, we sat and watched some of the Saturday morning session of conference. It was so nice to sit and watch it in the quiet. Our life is crazy, but we are pulling through and when people ask me (which happens almost daily) how married life is, I say EVERY time, "WONDERFUL!"

I am officially old news!

It has been two weeks today that I have been married! Time is already flying. I feel like we have been married for a year already, but like the wedding day was yesterday...hmmm. Tonight Spencer and I got to go to my friend Monet's reception. She looked absolutely beautiful and I am so excited for her!

She looks like a fairy princess :)

It was fun to go with my husband and to be one of the ones that could say, "I have already done this and will NEVER have to do it again!" Life is good :). It is crazy though. I have been in this little bubble of me being the topic of conversation, or the one getting presents and now it's Monet's turn! It's fun to see how excited she was and look back on how excited I was and how far I have come since then! ( I know, I'm a fast mover!)

Today was such an amazing day! My honey had to work so I was stuck at home. I didn't really have anything to do so I just told him he could take the car for the day. Mom was busy, so I went back to sleep. Grandma calls me a little bit later and says she doesn't have a playmate for the day and asks if I would like to join her. I said, "YES!". I love my days with grandma, she is pretty much one of my best friends and I feel like we are both 19 years old and just having a grand old time! We went to a  new little place called Durger Dog or something like that. It is on the SE corner of Power and Baseline. NOT by home depot. If you get the ad in the mail, don't follow THAT direction. It was actually really good, service was a little bit slow but I think they were trying to make it personal. They have these things called Apple Fries and let me tell you, I died and went to heaven. They take a slice of apple, deep fry it, cover it in cinnamon, and then give you caramel sauce and whipped cream to put on it on the side. Just sit and drool for a second...I did. Then we went to the movies and saw Mirror Mirror. It was hilarious. Go see it.

Spencer got off of work at 3:30 and my wonderfully thoughtful man decided to go vacuum the car for me :) We are FINALLYYYYYY out of glitter. It looks amazing! We had our first FHE tonight too as our Hon family! We decided to decorate eggs since it is almost Easter! We each did 4, they are cute :)

It means I am an egg! The spanish never ends!

They were the decals like you put on cars but we got them in our build a bear egg decorating kit! It didn't work so good and this bear ended up looking seriously weird...

It was fun and we are both excited about our first Easter together! Afterwards, Spencer decided he wanted to play video games with Hunter (his little brother) so I decided to be productive! I had to make cupcakes for our family Easter party tomorrow and so I did them tonight. I am VERY serious when I say I am the next Rachel Ray. These little cupcakes turned out to be SO cute and I made a million of them and STILL ended up with a clean kitchen afterwards!!! :) I like being a married person.

Somebody's Chelsey

While driving to the Easter Pageant on Tuesday night my sweet husband and I were taking turns showing each other songs.  (EVERYONE should go see this if you have the chance! It is at the Mesa, Arizona temple and it walks you through the life of Christ, his miracles, his death, and his resurrection in the most beautiful way!) It was my turn but he wouldn't let me have the chord, he said he had one more he HAD to show me! I sat and listened and all of a sudden Reba starts singing. Not what I expected....but I kept listening. The chorus comes on and all of a sudden Reba is saying my name. This is probably so cheezy but the fact that Spencer was so excited to show me and it is such a sweet song, made my whole night. He is so sweet!

Oops!

So last night I made this DELICIOUS dinner! Hamburger helper :) It actually was really really good! We had corn and rolls and some yummy koolaid with it! I now consider myself an expert at dinner making! Well, we sit down to eat, bless the food and get about halfway through dinner when Spencer picks up his roll and finds a hole in the side! He looks at me is like, "What the heck??" I instantly go, "Ah man! That was supposed to be mine!!" When I was warming up the rolls, I wanted to make sure the inside was warm too so I stuck my finger in it...Then I gave it to him....haha! Oh man, good times in the Hon home :). Last night we got to settle down a little bit and spend some quality time together....watching the Truman show! It was really nice and relaxing just to sit and watch a movie together. Now I get to go through my WHOLE day without him. He left at 7:45 and will be back about 5 to quickly eat dinner and leave again at 6 until 10. :( Thursdays are long....But now I have the whole day to complete my to do list! I want my house clean, the clothes ironed, the homework done, the work done, the hamburger fried, the cookies baked, and I might even possibly put on makeup today!!!!!! I know guys, this is a big deal :)

I don't know why the bottom of the picture is freaking out, but there is the victim....

Honeymoon Extravaganza!

Alright, I had a couple free minutes so I decided to tackle the honeymoon post!

Our honeymoon was soooooooo much fun!! It was really nice to be able to come home to our already furnished apartment the night of our wedding and leave the next morning. We were really blessed because Spencer's parents (my new in laws ;) ) offered to pay for our honeymoon for us. We are SO grateful for them and after we had such a fun time, we are STILL trying to find a way to say thank you enough times! We headed to the airport to catch our 7:45 am flight on Saturday morning. We get to the airport with no flaws, get our seats, and relax until our plane came. It was a short flight so we didn't have much time on the plane to do anything, but it was still just fun being together! We landed in California and were STARVING! We decided we wanted to go to the hotel first so that we could sleep a little more.... (We were so tired, we just wanted to crash again). We had our shuttle passes ready and then we found out they come every hour.....our plane landed at 10:00 so by the time we had our luggage and were out by the shuttle, we had missed it by 15 minutes. We decided to just hang out upstairs in the airport and try to find something to eat. I also bought a jacket there because it was FREEZING! We found literally nothing to eat because we had already left the main airport area and we couldn't get back in after we left. Luckily a good friend of ours had given us a gift of snack foods to take with us so her chex mix saved my life! ;) Spencer didn't want any though so he was still really hungry. We went through all of our cards we had gotten from the reception to figure out exactly how much  money we had to spend on our trip. Let's just say we are SO BLESSED.  Seriously with the generosity of all of those people that love us. Finally we got on the shuttle and headed to the hotel. We walk up to this MASSIVE building. I was completely convinced that there had been a serious mistake and that we had to walk a little ways to get there but we walked inside and they said we were in the right place! This hotel was beautiful! There was a valet service and bell hops (something I almost thought only existed in movies...) and two FULL restaurants right in the lobby of our hotel. There was also a Starbucks and a deli plus a gift shop before you even got to any of the rooms.

We had to wait about an hour or so until we could check in so we left our bag and decided to find the nearest Chase bank and deposit our money. (we did NOT feel comfortable walking around with as much money as we had...). We headed out and walked for about two miles until we found one. I was seriously on cloud 9 the ENTIRE time. I was in California with the man of my dreams, MARRIED, and spending time alone with him for as long as I wanted....ALL OF ETERNITY! It was such a happy feeling, I just kept turning to him and saying, "You know we're married right??" He answers with a very silly, "Uh, yeah...I know!". It was a blast.

On our way home from the bank we stopped at Red Robin for lunch because we were still just STARVING and needed food! We ended up only spending 20 bucks for BOTH of us to eat! We were so proud and it was so yummy. 

Right as we were leaving the restaurant and heading back towards the hotel, they call and tell us that our room is ready! We walk back and get our key. This just added to the happiness!!! I was going to a hotel with Spencer all alone and we were going TOGETHER! :))))) Our room was so beautiful! It was on the 14th floor (yeah, this hotel was huge!). We got in and looked around and Spencer gave me a big old kiss! We jumped on the bed, cuddled up, and went right to sleep!

The inside of the hotel

A pretty chandelier in the restaurant closest to our room in the lobby.

The outside of the hotel, did I mention this place was HUGE?

 We woke up and decided we wanted to go to Disneyland for the rest of the day. We got a map from the front desk of all of the surrounding area and headed out. (We thought we were about to walk for about two more miles because his parents said that the hotel was within walking distance of the park. Little did we know walking distance meant about 6 miles....). 6 miles later, we are exhausted and we get to a tram that drives you the rest of the way. We were SO happy to sit down, we both almost cried :). By the time we got to Disneyland, our feet were two sizes bigger from swelling and we were ready to pass out. It's a good thing we took that nap or else we really would have lost it. 

We finally sat down on the tram

This is our "We're really excited but about to pass out!" face

Halfway there....

WE MADE IT!

I don't know if you can see it in our eyes but we were about to fall over :)

We got into Disneyland and headed strait for Space Mountain (both of our favorite ride) but the wait was 75 minutes long and the fastpass tickets didn't apply anymore! :( We ended up eating at the Village Haus restaurant that was like pinoccio themed that night for dinner. It was cute :).

Pardon the weird face!

 That night we only went on like 3 rides, Pirates of the Carribean, Buzz Astro Blasters, and watched a movie called Captain EO. It was a really long walk for only a couple of rides. Still SO FUN!

Us waiting in line for Pirates

Buzz Astro Blasters! Like our souvenir ears?? They light up!

Captain EO. I have now seen this twice and it still gets me every time!

 We were so tired. I told Spencer I was NOT walking home. This is when we went on our first new adventure. I RODE IN A TAXI. It was cool except it costed kinda a lot and the driver didn't say one word to us. I was so grateful though, I would have paid about $100 to get home that night so 12 was awesome for me. We got home and CRASHED! I actually slept in all of my clothes that night. (That hardly ever happens)

Sunday was a fun day for the two of us. We woke up and it was POURING buckets outside! I was really glad I bought that jacket in the airport, let's just say that much. We woke up at like 9 and had our room service delivered! (another first for me!!) It way yummy :) Then we decided to walk to Target (our best friend on the trip) to get food for the rest of the trip because we didn't want to eat at Disneyland again. It was raining way too hard so we just ate at the restaurant in the hotel. 

Read the Club Sandwich description :)

We had to wait a while!

My souvenir keychain, first H I have ever bought!

Spencer really liked his food but he's easy to please! They put jalapenos on my nachos so I was not thrilled! By the time we finished eating it had stopped raining so we started our walk. It was REALLY cold but we had each other to keep warm.

 We went and got some lunchables to eat the next day for lunch and some $5 movies because we decided we just wanted to chill and eat popcorn and have a mini date. We got other snacks, some socks for Spencer, and a whole huge list. We checked out and were about to leave when we saw it had started raining again and we had no umbrella. We looked all over Target and they didn't have one single umbrella! What the flip?? By the time we figured that out though, it had stopped raining. We walked home and unpacked our goods. That night we were going to order room service or something for dinner, I can't remember, but we ended up eating our lunchables at like 12 or something before we started our movie! It was so chill and fun!

Monday was probably the funnest day out of all of them. We left early for the parks and got a SHUTTLE PASS for the day. It only costed $4 and we could go to and from the parks as often as we wanted during the day. We decided to hit California Adventure first and then spend the rest of the day at Disneyland. We got there and went to California Screaming. It was almost an hour wait but it was so worth it. That was the best ride we went on.

 We also went on the new Toy Story Mania ride which was also an hour wait. 

I won!!!

Mr. Potato Head, Yoda style!

We went on soaring over California and also walked around the wilderness trail from the movie UP. 

My stud :)

This is when we decided to head back to the hotel to take a nap and eat lunch. We went to Pizza Hut for lunch and waited for about 25 minutes for our pizza. 

We headed back to Disneyland around dinner time but had to find me a long sleeve shirt first because Saturday night was so cold. We finally found one and then went to build a bear to make our honeymoon bear.

Duffy! Our inspiration for our honeymoon bear!

We decided that would be a cute thing to get to remember the trip. We named him Jimmy. We carried around our bear for the rest of the trip. He became part of the family! We went to Disneyland and got to go on the rest of the rides we wanted to go on: Space Mountain, Tomorrowland, watched a really awesome parade, and finally Indiana Jones.

This is where the story gets a little bit sad. We took a picture of Jimmy on the Indiana Jones ride and then we headed home. We rode the shuttle and got back to the hotel when I look down and realize my camera is missing. Spencer and I look through ALL of our stuff and he goes down and checks with all of the desks and looks on the shuttle bus again and tells them that if they find it to give us a call. We had a little fight that night but we worked it out and realized that we were more important than any camera and that we needed to remember that. That night I said a prayer that people would be honest that night. If we weren't going to find it, we weren't going to find it, but if somebody found it, I wanted them to be honest and turn it in. The next morning we were supposed to wake up at 4:30 to make our 6:45 flight but we missed it and woke up at 6:30. Spencer called his mom and she told us that the next flight we could make was 9:45 so we went back to sleep. We woke up at about 8:00 and decided to call the lost and found at Disneyland because it opened at 8am. They FOUND OUR CAMERA!!!!! It's so cool to watch how the Lord works because if we had made our flight, we would not have ended up leaving with our camera. We decided to go pick it up. We rode the shuttle and picked it up. We had 30 minutes we had to wait until the shuttle came back so we got breakfast at Jamba Juice and headed back. The shuttle got to Disneyland to pick us up at 9:30 and the shuttle to take us to the airport came at 9:40. I told Spencer that the shuttle would probably be there when we got there so he could tell them that we would be down in like 5 minutes, he could check us out, and I would go get the luggage. We got in at 9:42 and we didn't see the bus so we were like, "SWEET!" Spencer checked out, I made it down with the luggage and he said he still hadn't seen the shuttle come. We asked the people who worked outside and they said that the shuttle was actually on time today and we had missed it by LITERALLY 2 minutes. Sad day. Now we were already checked out and had to wait for an HOUR before the next one came. The 3rd flight we could have made was at 10:30 so we missed that one too!!!! We finally ended getting on the 12:30 flight with no problems and getting home just in time to go to my mom's house (still weird to say) and grab a couple of things. 

My last surprise of the day came from my good friend Miss Amy Gardner who lives in Raymond, Alberta Canada! After her many missed flights and pains of trying to get there to surprise me at my wedding, she got there just in time to see me Tuesday before she had to leave again. I was so excited to see her!!! I felt so cool that she came just for me! All in all, I would say it was a successful weekend and Spencer and I came back even closer than we already were! I love him :)