A Newborn at Christmas

Brynlee was 5 months old the day after Christmas. I have never had a tiny little newborn around the holidays and honestly, it has made this Christmas very different for me, in a good way.

We have heard the birth of Christ told time and time and time again every year from every different Christmas song, book, and church lesson. I could probably say it to you by heart strait from the bible because I have heard it so many times.

But I don't think, until this year, that I have ever stopped to think about it.

But the part that I haven't ever thought of isn't the classic story from the bible. I have spent a lot of time this Christmas season thinking about Mary, as a mother to Jesus. Her side of the story isn't really told, so none of what I am saying is doctrinal by any means, but as a mother of a newborn this Christmas, I have had some thoughts and have felt prompted to share some with you.

1. Being a mother is a task unlike any other I have ever had. It is full of more love, more compassion, more frustration, more anxiety, and more gratitude than I can even put into words.

This past Sunday we went to a Christmas program and they had a little part from Mary. She spoke about when the angel came to see her.

Luke 1: 28-30

       28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, though that art highly favoured, the Lord is            with thee: blessed art thou among women.
        29 And when she say him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of           salutation this should be.
        30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.

One of the very first things that the angel tells Mary is to "Fear not". The woman in the program said that those words helped her along; as she told Joseph, as she got to the inn, and as she laid in child birth. Fear not.

How hard that must have been to NOT be afraid. I know that I would have been terrified. But how comforting. How comforting to know that Heavenly Father was mindful of her and her fears, and immediately calmed them.

Having just been through child birth, I know that doing it the way Mary did would have been stressful, and scary, and not the way I would want to do it. She rode on a donkey for days. She had to lay down with the animals to have her baby, all alone besides Joseph, when nobody would let her come in. I know that the times were different then, but still. I can imagine that for her this whole experience was somewhat traumatizing. And yet I KNOW that she was chosen for a reason, and that God was with her the entire way, because not only was he her father, he was watching over the mother of his only begotten son.

2. I imagine that Mary was a mother just like me. Well, not just like me. But she raised a baby, just like I am doing. We read about the birth of Christ, we know the wise men came a couple of years later, we know that he taught in the temple when he was 12, and we hear about all of his miracles as an adult. But what about the other years? What about the first few weeks after Jesus was born?

 Mary was trying to figure out breastfeeding. She was trying to bond with this new baby and figure out how to be his mother. She was exhausted from childbirth. She was sore and physically drained. I imagine that Jesus didn't sleep strait through the night from birth. I imagine that he cried, because babies cry. And I imagine that Mary didn't always know what to do to help him. She was a mother. A first time mother, trying to figure everything out!

And I imagine her sitting, hopefully in an inn, staring at her newborn baby in awe of what her body had just created. Staring at each little finger and toe, at his eyes, at his lips. I bet she never wanted to put him down. I bet she napped quietly with him laying on her chest, soaking up every little moment. But the part that really gets me is I'm sure that she had some idea of what was going to happen to her little baby boy. I'm sure that it scared her to death.

I don't want anything to ever happen to my babies. I want them to be happy and perfect and long outlive me. I want them to be loved, to have friends, and to succeed in all that they do. And here sat Mary, this new mother, with more love and admiration then she had ever felt and more hormones surging through her body, staring at her PERFECT baby boy knowing that she was raising the man who was going to die for the sins of the world. Who was going to be mocked, who was going to be hated, and who was going to have to go through so much pain and sorrow. And there was nothing she could do but just hold that baby and love him. To show him that no matter what, there was someone on the Earth who would never do to him the things that the others would do. Someone who loved him more than anything.

3. Mary had to teach Jesus. Yes, Christ had a direct line to God and was a teacher to her and Joseph from the time he was very young. But when he was 2 and barely learning to talk, I'm sure that he was a handful. I'm sure that he got into things and drove Mary and Joseph a little crazy sometimes. I'm sure that he needed help being taught right from wrong. And I'm sure that trying to be the perfect example for the Son of God was terrifying for her. I already feel, in my life, that there is so much to teach my girls to prepare them for the world. I am overwhelmed with the thought of sending them into the world without a solid foundation and without me there to push them back in the right direction. Can you imagine being Mary, and having to not necessarily be afraid that he was going to go off the strait and narrow, but to be afraid of him not knowing how to handle life? As I imagine Mary, I imagine her trying to prepare Jesus for his life. To make him strong enough to handle it. To make him brave enough to handle it. And to want to help him through it. What a task. Another task that I KNOW Mary was hand chosen for.

This Christmas, the birth of Jesus has felt much more like real life and less like a story. When I hear or think about it, I think of it like it actually happened, not just like a story. It feels so much more personal. And while I know all of this is just stuff that my brain has come up with, I like to believe that life back then wasn't so different than it is now. That Mary danced around the living room with her baby boy, singing him songs, playing with toys, and hugging and kissing him until he told her to "STOP MOM!" I like to think that their life wasn't picture perfect like it seems in every picture, movie, or story. And I like to believe that Heavenly Father looks out for me just like he did for Mary. He gives me the same access to Him, to His love, and to the PEACE that He brings, that he did to Mary.

I know that my Savior lives. I know that he was born to an Amazing woman who is the purest example of faith that I can think of. I know that he came to Earth as a baby and went through life just like we do. I know that because he did this, he has felt every emotion, every pain, every sorrow, every joy, and every ounce of love that we do. I know that he died and was resurrected for ME and for each and every one of us so that we can be with our families FOREVER and return to our Father in Heaven.

And while I think that Mary had a very hard and emotional life, I KNOW that she feels the joy that I feel. That she is with her son again in Heaven and she doesn't have to worry about him anymore. And we can all feel that if we come unto Christ and take advantage of his sacrifice for us. God lives, and he LOVES us. And I hope that we can really feel of that LOVE and that PEACE this Christmas season.

Labor Of Love: Emily Paige

Where to begin.

We are now a family of 4! It's the most unreal/amazing thing that has happened to us so far. You think that things are good as they are, and then they just get better. Harder, but better. And that pretty much sums up the past 6 days of our lives. Harder, but a billion times better.

I will go ahead and put this out there for some perspective for myself next time I decide having a baby is a good idea. On the Sunday night before Emily was born (I think that's when it was) I had a complete melt down. Brynlee had been TERRIBLE all day, my ENTIRE body ached and screamed at me to just stop moving, and I was so anxious to meet this little girl that I literally didn't think I could make it another day. I know I could have, and did, but it felt like I would never make it. I even had Spencer give me a blessing because if I was going to make it two more weeks, I was going to need some backup. In the blessing he kept saying things like "over the next couple of weeks" and "in this time before the baby comes" so I was sure I was making it to my due date. But the blessing helped me come to terms with the fact that I probably wasn't going to wake up dead if my baby decided to take her sweet time. I accepted it and I decided to be really really productive until she came.

The next day I did a billion loads of laundry, cleaned my kitchen, cleaned my room, cleaned Brynlee's room...I even swept! It was a good day. That night Spencer had school and he actually decided to do his lab that night instead of Wednesday so that we would be able to go to family Thanksgiving Wednesday night once I got off work. I went over to grandma's house and almost completely finished the baby's jammies for Christmas.

I was so proud of myself!! I stayed up really late doing them. Spencer had come and picked up Brynlee and taken her home for bed so I could finish. *GOOD THING!*

We were joking all night about "too bad laughing can't put you into labor" and "the night isn't over yet". I even said "every night when I log out for work I think about how I wish it would be the last time". Could we have done better foreshadowing?!

I got home and Spencer and I talked for a while and finally settled in to go to bed around 11:30. Spencer crashed...hard. Me, on the other hand, dozed off and on, but I just couldn't get comfortable. I had been having some pains throughout the night that just felt like baby girl moving but more painful than normal so I didn't think anything of it and just kept trying to sleep. Then, a few minutes after midnight, I peed the bed. Well, at least I thought I did!! But I had JUST went to the bathroom so I was sure that wasn't true. I got up and walked to the bathroom and after staring down at the puddles on the floor called in to Spencer, "I think my water just broke". To say I was excited was an understatement. To say Spencer was freaked out was an understatement. He doesn't do well with surprises...especially when he had JUST fallen asleep. I decided to hop in the shower because, let's be honest, it had been a couple of days and I had amniotic fluid all over me. It was weird because I knew I was about to have a baby and was SO glad that I had make my 'Grab and GO' list and packed our bags a few days before. I called mom and she told me that I needed to not wait to go to the hospital because the contractions would come soon and I needed antibiotics. So I decided to go. I called grandma and she and mom said they would meet me at the hospital.

I ran around, throwing last minute stuff together, trying to keep my pants dry (don't worry, it really was my water), and trying to assure Spencer that this was a good thing and that we were going to have our baby!! He eventually was able to calm down and he took everything to the car while I woke up Brynlee and got her out to the car. Bret met us at the hospital to take Brynlee home (we couldn't get a hold of Kathy...she was sleeping). We walked in and waited to be checked in. I had pre-registered but I'm not sure why because I had to answer a ton of questions anyways. I started having contractions about that time but they weren't consistent. He got me a wheelchair, a heated blanket (it was pretty cold outside and I had wet hair), and my wristbands and told Spencer to wheel me up to the third floor.

I directed Spencer the wrong direction and got one of the funniest comments I had heard in a long time. The woman working at the desk asked me, "don't take this the wrong way, but are you pregnant?" "Yes, very!" I responded. She then led us to the birth center and we got checked into a triage room. My contractions started getting a little more regular, but I was so excited! She had me change into my gown and I made a mess all over the bathroom floor! (who knew the water just kept coming?!) We sat in triage for maybe half hour while stuff got tested and then they admitted me. I went to my labor room and got situated. At this point I was 2.5 cm. The nurse told me that through the early stages of labor they just let my body do what it wanted to do and to try and get some rest. She started me on my antibiotics soon after and Mom, Grandma, Spencer, and I settled in for a long night. Luckily I had brought a pillow and blanket or mom and grandma would have been REALLY uncomfortable. Spencer tried to do some homework but ended up with me in the hospital bed. They all said they didn't sleep, but they lie. I was the only one awake trying to fight through the contractions without waking anybody up! They were really consistent for a while and then they slowed WAY down. Enough so that I actually go to sleep for an hour or so. When they came back in they told me that my labor had slowed a lot so they were going to give me a pill that would help ripen my cervix to help me move along. It was called cetatol I think??? Anyways, it did the trick SUPER quick and I started having contractions again. And they didn't slow down anymore after that. At that point I was at 3 cm.

Once everyone was awake and moving my contractions got pretty bad. But I was STARVING! My nurse said I could eat as long as it wasn't anything too heavy. Mom, gram, and Spencer walked down to the cafeteria to get breakfast and they bought me some eggs, toast, and fruit. Spencer brought my food up to me and I ate it pretty quick. I think it was about this time, around 8 am that I decided that the pain was more than I wanted to handle anymore and asked for Stadol. I just really love that stuff!! It put me right to sleep. It was funny this time though because everyone was in my room, including dad, and were just talking and I was part of the conversations, but I couldn't tell if I ever actually said something or just thought it in my head. I felt like I was responding, but my mouth never felt like it had moved and I wasn't even sure if I was saying anything even close to relevant in the conversation. But I slept so that was good.

When they came to check me again they were going to give me pitocin if I wasn't making progress, but I was at a 4 so they said they were just going to let me do it on my own. I asked for the epidural. I think I got the epidural around 10-10:30 am. That was the hardest part. My contractions hurt SO BAD and I literally thought I was going to die. Sitting still through those was so hard I just cried. Spencer was so supportive and just kept telling me I could do it. The nurse kept telling me that too and that I was so strong. What else do you say to a woman crying in agony with a big long needle in her spine?!? haha The epidural went in fine and they laid me back down to let it kick in. I remember that when I got my epidural with Brynlee it like washed over me and I felt nothing after that. This time it kicked in slowly and I had a big ol' contraction RIGHT after I laid back down. That was disappointing. But this epidural was perfect because I could actually still move my legs a little bit and could feel pressure every once in a while but I felt no pain. They checked me and I was at a 6 and they said, "Ok, we will come back and check you in a couple of hours unless you tell us otherwise before that. If you feel any pressure in your hips or feel like you have to go to the bathroom let us know." Well, with how labor was going at that point we figured we had a while so Mom, Dad, and Grandma went to get some lunch. This was around 11:30 am. My friend McKenzie came by and hung out with Spencer and I for an hour or so and it was sorta weird but mostly awesome. It was just funny that I was sitting there, not able to feel my legs, having crazy contractions, and just chatting about how it takes men a long time to go poop :).

After she left I told Spencer I was kind of feeling some pain in my left hip and asked him if I should call the doctor. "I don't know! Don't ask me, if you want to call them call them." Very helpful sweetheart. I called mom and told her that I was feeling some pain so they should probably come back but I would wait until they got back to talk to the doctor. After 5 min or so I decided that sometimes it takes a while to get the doctor in there so I called in the nurse and told her I had some pretty good pain in my hip. She told me it was probably the epidural and that I would just need to switch to the other side to let it work better on that side. She said she would let that sit and then if it still hurt in a while she would check me. She went to get something and everybody got back from lunch. The pain wasn't going away and a few minutes later when the nurse came back I told her it still hurt and she told me she would just check me. To her and my surprise she says, "Momma knows best, you're complete! Baby is at zero station, I'll go talk to the doctor. Sometimes we will let you labor down to let baby move down, but we will see." The doctor came in like 5-10 minutes later and checked me again and said, baby is +2 it's time to push! Everyone cleared out and they got me ready.

They wanted me to do a couple practice pushes and when I did they said, "Oh she is coming!" 2.5 contractions later and a total of 3 minutes pushing and Emily Paige Hon entered the world.

She was born at exactly 1:00 pm on Tuesday November 24th and weighed in at 7 pounds 10 oz and was 19 inches long. They put her up on me and it was like dejavu. She looked JUST like Brynlee! It's crazy too because both of my girls were born exactly the same far along. 38 weeks 2 days.

She was so chill, she cried for a minute and then completely relaxed and just laid there on my chest, looking around.

Spencer cut the cord and they got me all taken care of. 

I asked Emily's nurse to please give her a bath, weigh her, and measure her and then give her back to me. She did it, but with some comments under her breath. "I know, mommy wants you ALL clean, every little spot". Whatever lady, she's my baby and I don't want everyone who is going to hold her to have to kiss blood and my bodily fluids. I got to nurse her right when they gave her back and then let everybody else come in and see her. It was amazing to be awake and alert through all of this because with Brynlee I was so sick and don't even remember any details.

I spent the rest of that day with family visiting and just snuggling this sweet little peanut. Oh my gosh we loved her so much already.

 Around 7 that night Kathy and Bret brought Brynlee and their family. I was so excited for this moment and wasn't sure how she was going to react to me being in the hospital bed. She didn't seem to mind much and just wanted to climb all over me...which felt awesome. We showed her her baby sister and she kissed her and hugged her. She likes her :).

The next day we had my whole family come visit. We had to wait until at least 1 for Emily to have her newborn screen so we just hung out the whole day.

 She got her hearing test and I got along really well with the girl doing it. We talked about tons of stuff and just hung out. Her left ear deferred and so the girl had to come back and do it again a few hours later. She passed! Her jaundice level was 3.2 which they said was nothing to worry about and said we were ready to go home! We checked out at 3:40 ish and headed home.

This hospital experience was so much better than with Brynlee. I was feeling SO GOOD when I left only 24 hours after having a baby. I was up walking around, going to the bathroom by myself, and barely on pain meds! At one point I did have a fever and they said they would probably keep me another day. I protested. Big time. The doctor told me that if she let me go home I had to take my temp at home. Sure. (yeah, that didn't happen). Besides that though, I was back to myself really really fast!

I am so grateful for my little family and Emily is SUCH a good baby already. She sleeps like crazy, does really good at nursing (more on that later), and has the prettiest little features I have ever seen!!! She is my little angel baby and I am loving being a mom again.