Life without him.

So this is going to be a REALLY mushy post. Just prepare yourself. Tonight I had a few friends over to do some zumba and watch a movie. After waka waka ing we decided to watch the movie Premonition. It's about this woman (Sandra Bullock) who finds out her husband dies, wakes up the next morning and he's alive, then wakes up the next morning and he's dead again. Her days happen all out of order and it's probably the scariest movie I can stand. Anyways, her husband got hit by a semi. And then she found out later that he was about to cheat on her. I had this seriously sad thought and pushed it aside. It came back as soon as Spencer got home. I made him come sit by me and held onto him until the movie was over. My friends left and I totally started crying. (You are all shocked aren't you?) Anyways, I cannot imagine my life without Spencer. My first thought was the cheating thing. I know he would NEVER do that, but it still made me sad that it happens to people. I then started thinking about if I had to be the woman on the other side of the door from a cop telling me my husband wouldn't be coming home. I held him so tight and he heard me sniffle. It made me so sad to even think about losing him. I have never even considered it.

I will never again take for granted the I love you's or the kisses. I won't take for granted him opening the jars, the taking out the garbage, the holding me when I don't feel good, or the pure love that he shows me every single day. What would I do without that? What would I do without him? I don't think I could do it. He means too much. Just this morning he woke up and turned to me and sang, "Good morning beautiful, how was your night?" It made my whole day. I miss him so much just while he's at class. I can honestly say that I don't think I could love anybody more than I love my sweet husband. (I don't know what the ranks are supposed to be with family and husband, I'm in a pickle in my brain, but it's ok, it fits in with the heavy sap that's already here).

I'm always scared that my life is too easy, that I haven't really had any big trials that I have had to go through and that my married life is going to be terrible because the trials have to come SOMETIME! But honestly, and I am saying this publicly so if I ever feel like saying otherwise, people can correct me, but I am not letting anything come in my way. It's too important. No matter what happens, we are connected eternally and we have to figure things out as they come. There is no backing out or backing down. It's too important. That's the cool thing about being married, there is NO easy out. We are in it for good and I love that. I love having someone else on our side to help us through things. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband who I love with all of my heart. He makes every day worth it.